Long then concluded that was about the difference between Republicans and Democrats. Republicans skinned the people from the top down; Democrats, from the bottom up. That got me to thinking that, although a lot has been written about poor, white trash, very little has been said about rich, white trash.

You are rich, white trash if you drive to a socialist or communist rally in a $100,000 car. You are rich, white trash if you wear gold chains and watches that would feed a village for a year and drive cars that cost more than two college educations.

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You are rich, white trash if you demand first-class air fare, a personal limousine and a big, fat fee in order to speak to people about how corporations gouge the consumers. You are rich, white trash if you run a corporation that gouges the consumers. You are rich, white trash if you think that serving in the military is 'something our kind of people don't do.'

' You are rich, white trash if you drive off a bridge and leave your female companion to drown. You are rich, white trash when you think that shaking hands with Michael Jordan and Bill Cosby is being pals with black folks. You are rich, white trash if you think that a Jackson Pollock painting is actually art. You are rich, white trash if you think that taxing the middle class to provide a pittance to the lower class is being compassionate and liberal.

You are rich, white trash if you talk about how public education and forced busing teach children to deal with diversity while you send your own kids to private schools. You are rich, white trash if you live in a gated community with expensive alarms and guards and think that people don't need to own a gun for protection. You are rich, white trash if you are rude to waiters and waitresses and chisel them on their tips. You are rich, white trash if you write or produce any of the tripe that is 98 percent of the content of television andmovie houses. You are rich, white trash if you are willing to pay $1,000 a plate to hear a two-bit politician. You are rich, white trash if you know your divorce lawyer and accountant better than you do your last two wives.

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You are rich, white trash if you can't tell the difference between a corporateemployee and a personal servant. You are aspiring rich, white trash ifevery time your boss turns a corner, your nose gets broken. You are rich, white trash if you own 14 cars and a private jet and do public-service commercials on preserving the environment. You are rich, white trash if you think that New York City and Los Angeles are the cultural capitals of America. You are rich, white trash if you think that providing sweatshop wages is an act of kindness because otherwise the people would starve.

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You are rich, white trash if you think that cheap labor is worth more than protecting the nation's borders. You are rich, white trash if your family tree never forks or branches out of the upper-income bracket.